What changes when you find out you have ADHD?
Discovering you have ADHD is like opening a door to a room you never knew existed in your own house. It's more than just a diagnosis (or self-diagnosis); it's a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and sometimes, a hard look at reality. And it can affect so many areas of your life in ways you didn’t expect.
Without trying to normalise everything (because being weird is cool), there are definitely some shared post-diagnosis experiences that you might encounter too. To help you feel good-weird and not just weird-weird, here are some of the things that clients have shared with me about what changed for them when they realised they had ADHD.
“Being weird is cool!” - Us
Emotional reactions after an ADHD diagnosis
You’ll feel some unexpected emotions – most often, grief and anger
First off, there's a whirlwind of emotions. You might feel grief for the life you could've had if you'd known about your brain's workings sooner.
Then there's anger. Why didn't anyone notice? Why did no one offer you help earlier?
These feelings are common, and it's important to allow yourself the space to process them.
Unmasking and self-identity
Unmasking might feel like skills regression
Ah, unmasking!
It's like peeling off layers you've had to apply just to fit into society. But here's the kicker: when you start being your true self, things that seemed easy before might now feel like climbing Everest. Imagine staying with friends in a noisy house - what used to be just uncomfortable could now be downright unbearable.
It’s okay - this is you being your authentic self and you deserve to be able to do this. There ARE longer term benefits.
You’ll re-examine everything
You’ll start replaying different moments in your life.
Jobs, relationships, all those 'why did I?' moments - suddenly, you're looking at them through an ADHD lens.
Would you still have made the same decisions if you’d known you were living in a world not built for your brain? This re-examination can bring clarity… but also a bunch more questions.
You might have a bit of an identity crisis
This one's a doozy. If so much of you is intertwined with ADHD, who are you without the ADHD label?
If ADHD has played a role in your decision-making up until now, then who are you when you separate yourself from your symptoms?
What is ‘me’ and what is ADHD?!
Navigating self-doubt and new realisations
You’ll experience *yet more* imposter syndrome
Your diagnosis might make you feel like a fraud.
Like, what if you've fooled everyone, including the psychologist, into believing you have ADHD?
It's a totally normal feeling, and far more common than you think.
You question yourself, wondering if maybe, just maybe, you're the one in a thousand who ‘tricked the system’ [spoiler alert: you aren’t. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s not a giraffe.].
You’ll realise trying harder isn’t the solution
Now you know that your brain is just wired differently.
The things that were tough before? They weren't tough because you weren't trying hard enough… they are just… tougher for you.
It's a bit of a relief but also a challenge. Because if effort was never the issue, you may need to accept you will always find some things difficult.
“Trying harder isn't the solution.” - Us
You’ll view the people around you differently
Suddenly, you're looking at your family, friends, and even your cats, and wondering if they might share your neurotype.
It's tempting to play amateur psychologist, but hold your horses - diagnosing others is a slippery slope. What is ok, though, is to treat them with the kindness you wish people had shown to you when you didn’t know. Being kind to people is a win-win.
When you start sharing that you have ADHD, you'll find people are either in the 'I knew it!' camp or the 'Really? You? I don’t see it myself…' camp.
It's a mixed bag of validation and/or confusion.
Whichever camp they’re in, prepare to hear some external perspective about yourself that you didn’t ask for, and for that to feel pretty weird. It’d be weird for anyone. Weirder still for us.
You’ll receive a mixed reaction from others
Discovering comorbid conditions and moving forward
You’ll get curious about ADHD's travel buddies
It turns out, ADHD often doesn’t fly solo. It might come with friends like autism, dyslexia, or Tourette’s Syndrome.
Because ADHD is one of only a few neurodivergent conditions you can take medication for to alleviate symptoms, it can have the added effect of bringing other, non-ADHD traits into sharp focus when they’re exposed.
You’ll have a 'what now?' moment
Finally, there's the big question: How do you just continue with life as usual?
You've got this life-altering diagnosis, but no handbook on what to do next.
The bad news? Yes, you do just continue with life as normal.
The good news? You're not alone anymore. There are support groups, online forums, and coaching options. It's about finding your new tribe and navigating this path together.
Finding support and moving forward with ADHD
Getting your ADHD diagnosis is a journey that's unique to each person, but it’s not one you have to make alone. There's a whole world of understanding, support, and learning waiting for you.
And remember, understanding ADHD is not just about the diagnosis; it's about appreciating your life with new insights and perspectives. Keep exploring, keep questioning, and most importantly, keep being you!